The apocalypse is coming! What to pack when the zombies attack

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(Stock image by simonwijers from Pixabay)

It’s Halloween, I’m on holiday in a luxury hotel being waited on hand and foot, and this is a ridiculous post.

The idea for this post actually came about after a conversation with some friends in the pub. After a (few) bottle(s) of wine, we ended up talking about what we’d do in the event of the zombie apocalypse, and my friend asked me ‘so what should we pack, then, if we’re going to be fleeing the zombies?’

That’s a really good question.

After the conversation, I did start thinking about what I’d pack in the event of a zombie apocalypse, or any other event where I’d have limited time to throw something together. What I’d take would have to fit in my backpack – it’s unlikely that we’d have the transport to take anything bigger than a backpack, and we’d have to leave in a hurry.

So after much thought, I’ve come up with this list of what to wear and what to pack in the event of a zombie invasion.

Backpack

This will be your carry bag – get a good, sturdy waterproof one with lots of pockets. The more space you have to put things in, the more you can carry. Don’t get one of those enormous ones you see gap year students with, though. Take what I call a ‘school’ backpack – that’s more than enough room. And if you can get one with a strap that fastens around the waist to provide a little more support, all the better.

Papers

Birth certificate, passport, driving license and any other important documents you’d need in your country. Put them in a waterproof bag or folder.

Medication

Take any and all medication you need. If you’re travelling through a town, you can find a pharmacy, break in and replenish your stocks.

Sanitary items

For those who need them. As above – pack what you need for the coming month, and then raid as you travel.

Soap and a washcloth

Just because you’re on the run doesn’t mean you have to smell.

Hairbrush

Spiky enough to be used to slap a zombie across the face, and also to keep your hair from looking like a rat’s nest. Can also be thrown at zombies, if it’s heavy enough.

First Aid Kit

A small one – either pack one you have or raid the pharmacy for one. Make sure it’s not too heavy, whatever you decide to do.

Water

Fill a container with water and stash it in one of the outside pockets of your backpack. You will be able to replenish it, but you’ll need it to start off with.

Underwear

Wear a good bra (if you need one) and decent underpants. Pack a weeks worth of underwear and socks at the bottom of your backpack – roll it up small. Underwear can also be used to fill gaps in your packing. Rolled up socks can also have rocks inserted and be thrown at any approaching threat.

T-shirt

Wear one, and pack as many of these or vests as will fit in your pack. This garment works alone, or under other stuff as a layer for when it gets cold.

Flannel shirt or a sweater

The thicker the better. Will keep you warm and can be tied around your waist when you’re not wearing it.

Foldable waterproof jacket

I mean those small waterproofs that you can buy in hiking shops that fold up real small and can be popped in a bag. Get one, or raid for one when you’re on the move. This will not only be waterproof but will keep you warm as well.

Fabric leggings

Think running gear – don’t wear jeans when you’re fleeing from zombies. What if they get wet? Damp denim is heavy and will hold you back, making you easy to catch and therefore more likely to become zombie food. Wear one pair of leggings and stash as many pairs as you can in your bag. They’re small so should fold up small. You can also layer these if it’s cold.

Boots

Wear good boots. Not hiking boots, unless they’re lightweight, or trainers. Good, sturdy boots without a heel will see you through.

Bobble hat

Keep your head warm. Something woolly, and don’t worry about looking like a nerd. You’re fleeing for your life. Now is not the time to worry about what to wear.

Gloves and scarf

Wool scarf (Shetland wool if you can, it’s warm) and one pair of leather and one pair of thinner gloves. The thinner gloves can be worn inside the leather ones if it gets really cold. Writing this list has made me realise that fleeing for your life is all about layering!

Roll of duct tape

You can tape up wounds with this and also tape zombies to walls. Duct tape will be your friend, no matter what situation you’re in.

Folding walking stick

For rough terrain and also as a weapon. Plus if you get one with a decent handle, you can hook things off high places with it. I’d recommend a metal one, as it’s less likely to break if you slap a zombie with it.

oOo

What would you pack if you were fleeing the zombies, readers?

Happy Halloweeeeeeeen!

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